Simply 2 Suitcases

You might have noticed we’ve been a bit absent from the internet world.  We had very good reason to be;)  Our daughter Evelyn June Swoboda swept into our world on Saturday, January 24th at 3:53 pm.  She weighed in at  7lbs, 3oz and was 20 in long.  I feel like everything I could say after those stats is cliche, but whatever, here it goes:  Our hearts are crazy full. I’m so in love.  I can’t believe how perfect she is and that she’s all ours.  I can’t even put into words the extreme joy, the excitement, the contentment I feel to have her finally here.

I am contemplating sharing my birth story in this space, and may on another day.  I feel like there are so many painful, horrifying, scary birth stories out there and I felt none of that about our birth.  It was everything I wanted it to be, honestly.  The briefest of recaps: I starting contracting at midnight, January 24th.  My husband was my rock and helped me get through 7.5 hours of labor in our own home.  We went to the hospital when I was 3 minutes apart in contractions, they were 1 minute long, and I was super serious in concentration of managing each one.  We were admitted at 8 am and I was at  6cm dialated and 90% effaced.  It took till 1:30 pm for me to be ready to push and I worked at it till she came out! There are more amazing emotions and details to share, but she came out with a whoosh, a yell, I caught her, daddy cut the cord and now here we are today!  I did not use any interventions or medications, which is something I can say I am fortunate for and worked hard to do.

Now, look at that hair!!  A full head of crazy jet black mop.  We love it.

Team Swoboda gained a third member and another suitcase to our crew.  To our family and friends that waited so patiently to tell our tale and share in our own time, thank you.  Thank you for your loving words, support, and we are now in baby-mode at home of feeding, diapering, and a whole lot of adoring this little girl.

Welcome to the World Evelyn June, we can’t imagine it without you.

I can admit now, and will freely…I did not do a whole lot of pre-baby reading.  I did do some.  But I felt like much of what I read just freaked me out. I wasn’t ready.  I don’t know if it was the tone they were written in, or the fact that reading it all before Ry came home before deployment made me feel jinxed somehow…like the more I studied up the closer she would come to arriving early.  It was a weird spot to be in.

However some reading was had, and I’d like to share those choices with you!  I enjoyed the following titles:

Bringing up Bebe:  LOVED it.  I found the take on an American mom in France really refreshing, especially as I was an expat for two years in Seoul, S. Korea.  I gained new insight on parenting from living in Asia, and have adopted even more thoughts on the matter as we’ve continued to move around the globe.  I also enjoyed the smattering of recipes and tales of the extensive daycare/preschools in France.

Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother:  I was conflicted on this read.  I agreed with some of the tenacity and strictness the mother was introducing to her children.  After all, I want my child to be her very best as well.  I’m still thinking on exactly how I feel about it!  It was great to challenge some of my thoughts of raising a child, and how I view “success”.

The Mindful Way Through Pregnancy: This was the very first book I picked up when I saw that stick change color.  The honest stories of the women in this small book truly spoke to me.  With Ry-guy gone I also appreciated the mediation and yoga practices that were introduced, because I needed my head and heart to be strong in this process.  Bottom line: my yogi mamas out there would adore this.  It’s an easy, compelling little book that nurtured me in the first trimester.

Bountiful, Beautiful, Blissful: This book I found to be very nurturing as well, for my mind and spirit.  It took me awhile to decide to pursue my thoughts on birthing and labor, and this helped tremendously with my final “wishes” and “preferences” for the big day.  I might share those someday, at the moment they feel very personal and I’m not ready to go there just yet.  But this book is a celebration of women and what our bodies can do.  It was calming and invigorating.

What to Expect When You’re Expecting, & What to Expect the First Year: An American Standard! I liked reading along with my baby’s progress that she was making each week.  I also liked being re-assured that much of what I was feeling was “normal”.  Ry and I read chapters of …The First Year to one another, and will most likely continue to as our wee one grows.  They are great guides, but I don’t think should be studied verbatim.  Every child is different, so I’m reading and keeping an open mind.

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If I find anymore compelling parental reads, I’ll be adding them on here.  I’m thinking much of what there is to be learned as a parent is in the field, on the baby battlefield, and not so much in a text book;)

If you are on your pregnant journey, beginning or end, chances are you’ve already heard a TON of advice…whether you asked for it or not.

I guarantee much of it was given with good intentions and love.  But I found on my own path, some of it feels like it’s out there just to scare you.  I think women in our culture are set on exposing “what it’s really like”.  In the past I guess we feel like we weren’t told the truth…no one told us how hard it was going to be.

 I don’t think you know how hard it is to be a mama or be pregnant until you are in the thick of it.  So the advice is given to prepare you.  With raised eyebrows and a frightening jubilance women have shared with me how much pain I should anticipate. How my husband and I will not recognize one another any more.  How for 4-6 months I should anticipate my world being upside down and then I can slowly get back on a path.  All you can do as a first time mama is mumble “thanks” and then go silently worry away what days of freedom you have left.  Eeeeeeeeeeek.  Serious eek.  I felt frustrated by this process.

At the end of each negative story and experience I started asking, “well, what’s good about it all then?”  Each woman would pause, and then here is were I found the good stuff.  The unimaginable love that awaits us as we greet our child.  The magic of my body growing a human, birthing it, feeding it.  These snippets today are from a few of my friends that whether they knew it or not, gave me the BEST advice I could have received in my pregnancy.  I’ve kept names anonymous, but just know if you took the time to share joy and not just horrors, I appreciate you.

Believe me. I appreciate hearing the scary part too, because it is not going to be all glitter and gloss.  BUT I think sometimes life is hard enough.  I want to be a mama that can do both~ give an honest take on where we are at, but also let others know there is so much sparkly-amazingness ahead too.

The Best Advice I Received: 

• Love your child with everything you have.  That’s all they need at the end of the day is you and your love.  Whatever that means to you, practice it, show it, shower them with it.  Especially as an infant, you can not spoil her in this time. Snuggle, kiss, hold, love.  It is a brave new world for both you and her.
• You will come home from the hospital and it will feel like you are living with 3 strangers. Yourself, your baby, and your husband. It’s okay. Take the time to get to know each other.
• Educate yourself. What kind of birth do you want to have? You have options.  Do the work, figure it out.
• I don’t think people talk about the “good” of it as much because there is no way to truly capture how much love you are going to feel. It is unlike anything you have ever experienced, so you just wait.  It is beyond words.
• Your child is YOUR child. What worked for someone else may not work for you. That is okay too. Just keep trying to puzzle it out.  Don’t compare, don’t despair, just keep trying.
• If baby is safe and you need a moment, take it.  Walk away.  Have that shower.  You have to be healthy too.

I’m sure along the way I’m going to have my own set of advice I want to give new mamas.  Today it is simply what is above.  I’ll be meeting my little lady soon and I’m going to love her with all my might. I know it is going to be one of the hardest adventures I ever go on, but it is also one of the most thrilling.